Sunday, 15 January 2012

Just The Tip

It's kind of a long and nonsensical story of how myself, my lover and our friends (another super cool couple) ended up at a strip club last night. In pervert's row, I might add. (Sorry Mom. I know, I'm gross and going to hell)

I think of myself as a reasonably confident and secure woman. I'm not jealous of other women. If my boyfriend decides to leave me for a stripper, well, then he's a douche and good riddance. So I had no issues with going. I actually find them entertaining and impressive.

I will give any girl credit that can contort and hold themselves up on a pole using only her leg muscles. I cannot even touch my toes. Sad, but true.
The strength that those girls have blows me away.  It's kind of like watching Cirque du Soleil, but with naked performers.  What was fascinating to me is out of the three strippers I watched last night, not one of them had an ounce of cellulite anywhere that I could see. Perhaps it was the lighting, but I had a seat right upfront and, um, personal, so I am thinking it is the pole work that attributes to their fantastic shape. Clearly I need to invest in a pole for my house.  And, I am highly competitive, so if cracked out, uneducated "Destiny" can do it, I sure as hell can too.

Their faces were a different story, but I am thinking the men that go to see these entertainers aren't too concerned about the facial region. Or their feet for that matter, because I saw some pretty gnarly toes as well. I also noticed they all had really bad tattoos.  I will also add that I was extremely proud that I had bigger boobs than stripper number two, because that almost never happens. Moving on.

What makes me sad is the degrading activity of when she spreads out a blanket, rolls up a piece of paper, and encourages men to hurl coins at her. Tips, as I call it. My first thought is: Sick! Money is so so dirty. Who wants that touching their vag?  Second, all the credit I just gave her is gone.  Girl, you are stark ass naked and asking guys to throw money at you! Coins for that matter.  Do you not see what is entirely wrong with this picture?  I desperately wanted to throw a robe on her, take her home, ask her what the hell went wrong in her life, and then show her where to find the job ads.  I honestly do not believe that any of those girls actually enjoy doing it. And as for the stories you hear that these girls are doing it to put themselves through med school? Come the fuck on.  I have yet to meet a doctor that looks like any of those girl or with a body like that.
As degrading as it is though, I would feel even worse not "tipping" them, so I chucked loonies at the stripper. I have a magnet now of her to prove it. I felt like we really connected. Maybe we'll go shopping together one day and I can buy her a sweater. With a high neck.

Some girls have questioned last night's activities and couldn't believe I let my boyfriend go and watch other naked women. And the fact that I went with is just bizarre to them. Well, let's think about this for a second. She can make sexy eyes and shake her ass in his face all that she wants. He's going home with me. He may have to help me take my boots of because I am so out of shape I can't bend over, but that's neither here nor there.  I think of it as men like strippers like we ladies enjoy shoe shopping. Whatever turns your crank, baby.

In conclusion, I recant the evening with one end thought and goal: I am going to master working the pole.  In sweatpants.

1 comment:

  1. I have actually been to quite a few strip clubs, and not once have I ever seen them do any cool leg-pole holds. They usually just walk around it, while looking bored or super high, they maybe hurl their bodies around while holding it with their arms, but never anything I would consider cool. Maybe it's just an Ottawa-Gatineau strip club thing...Also got a lap dance once (with a friend on his birthday) to "My Heart Will go On"...Ya, the Titanic song.