Going back to work after 2+ weeks off should be illegal. It is no good for anyone.
It was a spectacular vacation, filled with lots of relaxation, food, drinking, friends, family, and sweatpants. Christmas was wonderful, as was New Years. Yesterday, I was feeling very productive and optimistic about the new year. The Christmas tree and decorations came down, I made pancakes for breakfast, dusted, washed and swept floors, all before noon. I was feeling good and ready to go back to work.
Then the cold harsh reality of it all set in this morning.
One of my "hopes" for the New Year (I don't do resolutions. I know myself all too well. That's why I call them hopes) was to go to bed earlier during the week. Usually, this hag stays up until midnight or 1 am on work nights. I then hate myself and my life the next morning. So, promptly at 10pm last night, I scampered off to bed like a good girl. At 10:30 pm I was still laying there, wide awake, completely annoyed by my boyfriend's existence and his audacity to breathe. I got up, ate a bag of cheezies and spent a few hours wasting my life away on Pinterest. Goddammit, I love Pinterest.
I awakened one hour later than I planned on this morning, in quite a beast-like fashion. I laid there and went through a good half dozen scenarios as to why I couldn't go to work. I moaned, groaned and even sobbed a little, screaming at my adorable dog that this was somehow all her fault. She licked my face in return, and made it clear she needed to be let outside. So, I ponied up, let the little brat out, took a shower (fingers crossed that I used soap. I don't even remember) and dragged myself into the office.
The most useless dumdum on Earth sits at my desk today. I don't remember how to spell. What's grammar? I am referring to everything as "it" or "things". Vacation vocabulary and work vocabulary differ greatly for me it seems. I am a cavewoman. I find myself just staring off at nothing. My mouth may be partially open too. I fear now that if I am to ever quit working, I will start wearing a fanny pack, visor and shower sandals out in public to trade coupons.
Let's not even discuss my appearance today. Let's just say I only put mascara on one eye and this shit show of an outfit rivals that of Sophia from the Golden Girls. And smooth brushed hair is SO last year.
In conclusion, I am a big, dumb bag of disgusting today. It can only get better from here, right?